


Untitled Thoughts

by willowtree180



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abuse, Child Abuse, Coping, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Poems, Poetry, poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2019-10-12 14:10:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17469074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willowtree180/pseuds/willowtree180
Summary: Personal poems to vent





	1. Endless Cycle The Endless Cycle The Endless Cycle The Endless Cycle The Endless Cycle The Endless Cycle The Endless Cycle The Endless Cycle The Endless Cycle The Endless Cycle The Endless Cycle The Endless Cycle The Endless Cycle The Endless Cycle The

I live in a house of fear  
and waiting with bated breath  
to see if quiet afternoons  
become violent evenings  
knowing that dinner  
will nearly always become  
another battle  
in this never-ceasing war.

It starts with anything.  
Perhaps a  
slip of the tongue  
too clumsy and too foolish,  
to pass unacknowledged.  
The rage simmering  
beneath the surface  
boils over.

The same voice  
always  
rises above the rest.  
It belittles  
and humiliates  
with wild abandon  
and vicious joy.  
Everyone is a target.  
I shrink away.

Tears always drip  
without my permission  
as I desperately try  
to hold them back.  
I will flinch  
at the voice's proximity  
to the frantic staccato  
of my heart.

I will do my best  
to make it stop.  
I will stay silent  
and submissive  
when I want to shout.  
Fear is ever-present

Late in the night  
I pray to a god I don't  
know exists  
and wonder what  
the day will bring.  
I hope not fear.  
I am always disappointed.  
Still, I endure  
It's my only option.

.


	2. Odd and Tired Metaphors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is something I wrote in January of 2018 during a difficult and lonely time in my life. I recently revisited it and thought I'd share it here. Please excuse the cliché and transparent metaphors within. It is older and thus less developed than the first poem here, yet no less meaningful and personal.

I’ve been wearing shoes that are not my own **  
**

That force me down a path

I don’t wish to walk.

But I have reached a crossroads that

Present a choice

One that the owner of these shoes

Doesn’t want me to have

and never expected me to get

but nonetheless,

I do.

 

I can either be dragged further down

this path that’s not my own or

Untie these laces and choose another

Before they choke me.

Even if I have bare feet to walk it

Even if the barbs that line this path shred my skin

It doesn’t matter.

They have already ripped holes through my heart.

 

I feel like something is clawing at my chest.

An animal.

Desperately screaming “No this isn’t what you want!

This feels so wrong, this hurts so bad!

Stop now!

Stop now while you’re still at the crossroads and

take these shoes off!"

These shoes that will never fit me because

they were never mine,

These shoes that yank me to a place that

wears me down and

decimates my soul

I need to take these shoes off because

Even if my feet become swollen and calloused and sore

They will never be as battered as my soul

 

For every step I take down this path

I die a little.

And a little and a little and a little.

I can’t keep these shoes on much longer or

there will be nothing left of me to continue.

But I am unable to take them off

For now.

 

Because for now

my hands are shackled.

I am chained to the one who pushed me onto this path

Who shoved my feet into these shoes before

I even knew what they were

Who has broken my spirit

and nearly stolen my sanity.

 

It is time to remove these shoes, the

prisons that they are.

But I will endure

A little longer

Even as the laces tighten,

with every day that passes

and my mind screams in protest

begging to be released from the prison that

confines it

 

So I will play songs that mirror how I feel

That illustrate the agony of having

Your heart shredded and wrapped in barbed wire

And the feeling that your mind is being taken over

By ideas and ideals that have

Been forced onto you

While having your own cast aside

and stomped into the dirt.

 

Song will keep me sane

by telling the story of how others

broke the chains

that once trapped them

 

I will free the creature in my chest

When I remove these shoes.

Soon. But

until then I will stand

At the center of the crossroads

And try not to breathe

In the dust that blows up from the path

And coats my lungs

Depriving me of the air I sorely need

To survive

 

I cannot take another step down this path.


End file.
